Pamela Dukes, MHS, CAC-AD
17 YEARS FREE FROM DRUG ADDICTION!!!!! (Isaiah 40:31)

My name is Pamela, Before I talk about the active drug use, I need to say that I had problems way before the drugs and alcohol became the band aid. I grew up in with both of my parents that I now know love me and two sisters in the immediate household. I was the youngest in the family. I was pretty much a loner. My family life in my earlier years was filled with empty love and watching domestic violence frequently. When I say empty love, I mean that the words were only said when either one of the parents were either fussing at me for what I did or did not do or after a fight and guilt was probably the vessel for the emotion and buying things.

As the years went on the fights continued, along with the infidelity, leading to secrets and not having the ability to speak freely. I can remember running to my neighbors home when the fights would start after the parties that we had. Our house was good with entertaining and making it appear that all was well. But, two things that were guaranteed were alcohol and fights before the party ended. I would go to the neighbors house for I guess refuge, until one day I heard the mom of my neighbor say that She cant keep coming over here when things are messed up over there. I cannot understand how a family that has so many things fight so much. Well, that is when my addiction began. I was around fourteen. I would go to the local playground and sit under the pavilion and smoke THC and talk to God. I would ask why this is happening to me. There was this one book that I could relate to a lot: Are you there God, Its me Margaret.

My life took a downward spiral. I got involved with people that were smoking THC heavily and in a sense; I would forget all the stuff that was going on around me. I would drink anything, I had seizures; but, I would still drink and do drugs. I would not take my medication to get the attention from my parents. Eventually, my drug use increased to syrup, dortins, speed, heroin, and then I found cocaine. In the course of all of this, I was getting deeper and deeper in trouble, in and out of the court system from several districts. I got raped in the process of my using; but, that did not stop me from chasing drugs. I have been in and out of treatment programs and the one that remained in my mind even after I completed it and went back to using was New Life for Girls. This program taught the importance of God and the Bible in ones recovery process. I will never forget Tito and his wife. But, I still used. Finally, I hit bottom and wanted to find a new way to really live. Even when I was out there using, I would pray and ask God to take care of me, and I felt that I would not always be in the downward spiral. One day I WOULD BE FREE!

The last time I got locked up, I started to attend meetings in the jail and this one lady paid attention to me and she brought me a NA book to the very next meeting. She put here name and number in it and told me to call her if I ever wanted to talk. I did. I got out of jail, started going to NA meetings, and found me a church home and my life began to change dramatically. I went back to school, from having a diploma, to now having my Masters degree, and in a PhD program. Life still throws me challenges and I sometimes know feel overwhelmed. But, I do not give up; I remember what was told to me early in my recovery process Trust the Process. I am proud of what and where God and the fellowship have allowed me to soar. I always said that once I got my life back on track, I would go back into the same community that I used to used and practice illicit behaviors in and make a positive difference. Well, I just leased a space in that very same area and I feel like this is where God wants me to be. I do not know where I am going, but, I know that it cannot be worse than whence I came.

By Grace and the help of NA, I am no longer an active prisoner of the drug addiction.

Pamela

Glen Burnie , Maryland